Speculations on Respecting your Elders

The concept of respect is a mutual understanding between two people to exchange kind regards, the age of both parties is irrelevant.

I grew up in a house where because I said so, and because you are a kid was an acceptable explanation. I understood my role as a member of my family and would never have dreamed of talking back to my parents or disrespecting them in any way. I was seen and not heard and I did what I was told. I have been exposed to a set of values which emphasizes respect for everyone including elders. I was taught not to be too loud or too pushy, I was taught to wait my turn and to be patient; and as far as I can tell, other than being a push over I have turned out to be a pretty decent person. I put in my time as a child and after about a quarter of a century I think I have earned a little bit of respect and to be seen as an adult.

From a societal point of view, children are usually taught at an early age to be respectful of elders. This may be attributed to honoring the seniority of the elder’s life experience, their general knowledge, or simply extending the kindness of common decency. In any case, there definitely is a line that cannot be crossed, and when it is crossed it becomes mandatory to cease respect to that particular elder. After last night I am changing my moral standpoint from “respect your elders” to “respect the kind”. I have come to the realization that fools grow old too. I am not sure when age became an acceptable excuse to treat anyone younger than you like a second rate citizen, but at Bistro By the Sea it will no longer be tolerated!

I would love to believe that our elders always have best intentions but that is not always the case. There are certain times when respecting our elders needs to take a back seat. For instance when an elder is verbally abusive, publicly humiliates or chastises another, bullies or intimidates another, or invades another’s personal space, the elder is no longer worthy of respect. Respect is a two-way street!

In the restaurant business everything moves at warp speed. From the kitchen staff to the wait staff, the professionals at Bistro By the Sea know they have a job to do, do well, and do quickly. The nature of the business is not conducive to much chitchat with guests. Another guest needed Karen, one of our more talkative wait staff, during dinner last night. Not wanting to interrupt her conversation with a table, I quietly waited for her in the corner of the room. When it seemed like the conversation was winding down I quietly approached Karen from behind gently touching her arm letting her know I needed to speak to her. When she turned to walk away I very discreetly told her my message. The night carried on. I was distributing a tray full of wine glasses when all of a sudden a rather short man appeared in my face. With a glass of wine in each hand and the biggest grin on my face, I prepared to answer where the men’s room was or field a complaint about the swordfish. I did not however expect what came next; As if in slow motion he took a breath and bellowed, “You will never interrupt me when I am speaking again!” Cornered, the best I could do was lean backwards and apologize. With a little bit of a chuckle due to the absurdity of the situation I said, “I am sorry sir.” Maybe my tone of voice should have shown more regret because he said again, “NO! (Pausing to deny my apology) You will never interrupt me when I am speaking again!”

Infuriated at the way I was spoken to, I picked my jaw up off of the floor and went to find owner, Karleen, who I knew I could rely on for support. Karleen of course demanded I show her who he was so she could go speak to him. Diplomatically Karleen tried to get to the bottom of the situation. The only explanation the man could render was that he was 72 and would not be interrupted. After Karleen said that it was best if he never returned to her restaurant, we found his glasses left behind on the table where he was sitting. Locking the door that night we placed the glasses on the hostess station so they could be seen from the door with a note underneath them that simply read, “KARMA”.

What is the lesson to be learned here you ask?

1. Giving respect to somebody merely on the basis of his or her age is rather arbitrary and, well, somewhat idiotic. It’s time to come up with a new system on judging the respectability of individuals.

2. Appreciate the people who stand up for you.

3. Don’t forget, karma, it’s a bitch when you are!

Speculations on PC, An Inquiry into the Roots of Political Correctness

Each evening as I try and convince customers to come back to the late night cabaret, I always tack on a joking for a warning. “Oh, it’s a great time; very funny, a little risqué.” In translation, that means if you’re up to being berated by our drag queen cabaret host, it’s a great time. Yes that’s right, at a towering height of 6 foot something the fabulous and talented Sabrina Blaze, sing, jokes and dances, in an attempt to seemingly make the most amount of people uncomfortable as humanly possible.

For me, one of the most entertaining parts of my job is watching people’s reactions to Sabrina and our cabaret. It almost becomes a hobby for me to make people struggle as they try and figure out the most politically correct way to ask me their questions. Folks will come to the door and ask, “Is uhh the uhhh same uhh person gonna be in the cabaret tonight?” or sometimes they can’t figure out what to call Sabrina Blaze, “Is uhhh the same man uhh I mean woman uhh, whatever it is, going to be at cabaret tonight?”

Some reactions are priceless, shaking their head they tell me it’s a shame or it’s repulsive and ask when it will be normal again. Excuse me?! This is Theatre by the Sea when was it ever normal? The actors were singing songs like Old McDonalds’ farm for mentally challenged animals long before we decided to invite a drag queen. My only response for these folks is to shrug and say, “you know sometimes we just need to mix things up a bit”.

This of course got me speculating about political correctness, what is the correct term for Sabrina Blaze and why is everyone so caught up on the drag queen? These days people are either people are too worried about being politically correct to see the point or they couldn’t care less how offensive they are. The greatest thing about drag queens is that anything goes with them! Drag queens are never politically correct. That's what makes them so funny, so outrageous, and so wonderful. Sometimes the Bistro feels more like Dick’s Last Resort than Theatre by the Sea; but seriously folks take that stick out of your butt, relax a little, maybe you will surprise yourself and actually have a good time. It doesn’t matter if someone is gay or straight, dressed up as a girl or not, it doesn’t matter where you sit or who your server is, you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself. Life is too short to be concerned about a few swear words or a man dressed as a women. What is being politely correct anyway? Maybe life should be a little bit more like cabaret; honest.

So as Sabrina always says, “If you had a good time tonight I want you to go out and tell all of your friends about it and if you didn’t, keep your F@#$-ing mouth shut”

Late Night Cabaret at Bistro By the Sea with Special Guest Sabrina Blaze

Appetizers, Drinks and Desserts Available

$7 Cover Charge

365 Cards Pond Road

Matunuck RI 02879

Fridays and Saturdays: Starts around 10:30-11 pm

Sundays: Starts around 7

Call 401-789-3030 for reservations