Speculations on Odd Jobs

“Here’s to getting exactly what you want”, says the Starbucks sign in front of me. Really? A cocoa cappuccino hot or iced wasn’t exactly my idea of getting what I want. Yes, I have been spending lots of time in Starbucks, it is my job searching hub. No I can’t write about much else, my life is consumed by the pressing nature of finding a job. What I can’t help it, affordable coffee and free wi-fi are the two most essential elements for the unemployed.

So just like Starbucks says…here’s to getting exactly what you want. In an exasperated Google search, I found this comical list of “uncommon jobs”. Maybe I should just be a fortune cookie writer!

1. Odor Tester: just like it sounds, your job is test the odor from perfumes, deodorants and antiperspirant and more. You definitely need a nose for this job!

2. Hair Boiler: you got it! You boil animal hair until it curls for later use… I still don’t want to know what they use that hair for.

3. Waste Station/Water Treatment Worker: more dirty than weird but it makes the list!

4. Citrus Fruit Dyer: you guessed it! Sometimes those lemons just look too yellow – that’s where a dyer comes in handy. They make the fruit look more vibrant by dying it.

5. Crocodile Wrangler: all Steve Irwin jokes aside – this is a real career. You can learn how to become accustomed to handling dangerous, or not-so-dangerous animals in this exciting career.

6. Fortune Cookie Writer: your day will brighten up with this career! Just thought a computer cranked out your fortunes? Nope. That’s a writer’s job and maybe yours in the future.

7. Pet Detective: since Jim Carey took to the big screen you can bet there are real life Ace Venturas on the job! Take your passion for detectives and animals and turn them into a rewarding career.

8. Cheese Sprayer: do you have what it takes to coat various food items with cheese? Then, this job just might be for you.

9. IMAX Screen Cleaner: it sounds just like what you would be doing: cleaning the giant IMAX screen.

10. Chimney Sweeper: too old school? No way. Chimneys might not be used like they used to be, but that doesn’t mean this career has gone up in smoke!

Speculations on Starbucks

The time is 7:35 on Sunday night. I have finally left my apartment in attempts to do something productive. I have semi returned to my full time job, which is in fact finding a job. One of the skills needed to be successful in this occupation is procrastination. I have clearly mastered this technique; evidence of this being this blog entry. I have entered into Starbucks in a somewhat fowl mood, the first irritant was the sheer fact that I am going to a Starbucks for refuge. It is surly not the mom n’ pop coffee shop that I prefer; the commercialism is stifling my creativity which is ironic because I am a marketer looking for marketing jobs. But I must be honest I would much prefer to be at brewed in Wakefield, RI.

I have been waiting inline for my barista to take my order for feels like a lifetime. Apparently the baristas tonight are feeling as unmotivated as I am. Finally, she asks if she can get something started for me while she foams this latté for at least another 15 minutes. I would have imagined myself yelling if I had more energy. “Yes please just poor me a cup of iced coffee! Medium not grande!” While this whole process has taken what I am sure is a year, I notice a CD with the title “Save it for a Rainy Day”. This caused me to reflect on the phrase why are we saving it for a rainy day? What can you do with money on a rainy day that you can’t when it’s sunny?! Where did the phrase come from? I then realized how much it has been raining lately. I thought it was supposed to be April showers, not March. Oh well, I sigh, as I glace up at the very prominent display of calories, per New York mandate.

I am now adding my own cream and sugar, which I feel should give you some sort of DIY discount. Half and half, empty…whole milk, empty…fat free milk it is. My mediocre coffee just got worse. Sat down at the most secluded seat I could find which was smack in the middle of everyone. A couple hijacks the table next to me and proceeds to have some sort of lovers quarrel. There is a hipster sitting in front of me with what looks like a hair flip as long as a baseball hat brim. And a man has just invaded my space in order to plug in his computer; he now proceeds to clean his screen with his sleeve. Classy. I wonder if he is unemployed like me. Oh no, he just whipped out some anti bacterial, I may have seen him disinfect the table.

What is the point of this seemingly pointless Starbucks stories, not sure. Maybe it is do not go to Starbucks annoyed, maybe don’t go to Starbucks at all, maybe that there are too many Starbucks in NYC. Hm, all valid and good points, but possibly it is just a warning about the dangers of procrastination.