Evidence of Waitresses Past

Pulling out the wadded up ball of black cloth from underneath my car seat, I begin swearing as things are falling everywhere. I then decide to empty the pockets of this wrinkly mess formally known as my waitressing apron. While folding it methodically I remember all of the excitement of the season and sigh deeply.

Back in high school the students completed an art project called “Evidence”. Students laid objects in front of them drawing them in a fashion that could conclude an interesting or comedic event. Since the objects I found in my apron probably could not depict an interesting event at least it is comedic. For those that still do not understand the concept of evidence artwork you might want to relate the idea to needing evidence after a night of heavy drinking, or perhaps a slight bout of amnesia. I pulled out the objects found in these pockets and laid them out on my bed much like in the drawings. What evidence of good times was found in the pockets; what memories could be evoked? This process accidentally brought to mind another speculation…what does your junk say about you? This then motivated me to clean my room quite furiously.

Evidence of a waitress:

1 bottle opener: I am glad I found this, as it is most useful in an unemployed person’s life. When in doubt, drink more wine and in these days of transition, I have a lot of doubt.

1 worn out black pen: Eh, this I could give or take but the mystery remains, why is there only one? Though I was never involved in one of the brawls, there can be quite brutal fights over pens that can’t seem to remain faithful to their owners.

1 list in Karleen’s hand writing that reads: “Candles in front room-back room, Salt + Pepper shakers, Sugars are lumpy!” I am not taking creative liberty there is an exclamation point at the end of sugars are lumpy!

1 silly band in an unidentifiable shape: Emma no doubt had given it to me, these commonly spiced up a waitresses traditional black shirt routine, however, completely look ridiculous when wearing a cocktail dress.

A few nonsensical bits of trash: I really can’t come up with something witty to write about this other than I should have taken them it of my bed spread as fast as possible.

1 Package of sunflower seeds: Giant gray striped sunflowers to be precise. On the back of the package in Microsoft Word’s best attempt at calligraphy, it reads “Mr. and Mrs. Mark and Sarah XXXXX (censored for privacy) Table #20. The sunflower promises power, warmth and nourishment-all attributes of the sun itself. Every garden should at least have one.” This was a seating card at a wedding reception held at the restaurant. What is that crap about the sunflower? That’s not sentimental at all! It should have said something like. “ The sunflower is forever turning in the light of the sun. May you find yourself always turning to the light of love, today as we celebrate so-and-so’s wedding and every day there after.”

Alas, this strange array of objects littering my bedspread has reminded me good times in nights past, however, those nights of hectic chaos, music, smell of calamari and have been replaced by knocking on doors, endless lists, letters and phone calls. My temporary position at the Rhode Island Federation of Teachers was in no way a suitable replacement for working in a fast paced environment with friends you have known for years…

Coming up, the six people you will meet while political canvassing for the union.