Can I have a table with a view?

“Can I have a table with a view?” is a question that leaves me dumbfounded each time it is squawked at me. I am sorry, what exactly would you like a view off? This is Bistro BY the Sea not Bistro ON the Sea If you would like an ocean view you need to walk through the woods about a quarter of a mile. This is not a hotel; you cannot request an ocean view or view of the pool, and sometimes if you aren’t willing to cough up the extra cash you are going to get that hotel room with the view of the air duct on the roof. This poses a speculation for a future time, should I accept bribes to upgrade tables? If it happens with hotel rooms, why not tables?

It never occurred to me when dining out, to ask to be move tables. Usually I am more concerned about eating delicious food than where I am doing it. However, in my time at the Bistro I have learned that more people than I realized are more neurotic than I could have imagined.

As hostess, this complex job of when to tell people they cannot move, how to do it or how to interpret where it is they would like to sit, is probably the hardest part of the job. Bartender, Karen does not make it any easier as she is constantly laughing at me while women reprimand me, saying, “a 45th wedding anniversary deserves more than a table in the middle of the room!”

First lets review the assortment of things that patrons ask for when choosing a location to sit in.

It is important to keep in mind when you start moving people it upsets; servers, who loose tips when they loose customers; patrons, who you just gave away the seat they have sat in for 30 years; and most importantly Karleen, who has to hear all of the BS from both parties. The number one hostess rule is, it is always easier to say no than to move someone. Often times when a pair comes into the restaurant and I ask for their reservation then proceed to scan my list and chart finding where it is we have placed them this evening. I then hear someone ask the other where he or she would like to sit. Mind you I never gave them a choice of wear to sit.

How to react if you were Erica:

If they word the question while standing at the door, “can we have…” or “is it possible to get…” My response is “actually tonight I have you (insert location) but next time when you make the reservation just let me know where it is you would like to sit.” If the patron begins the “question” with “No! I reserved this table..” or “I always sit here…” then this when I fold like the cowardly lion and scurry to find another table. Remember the old folks may be feisty and may not be up to date with proper safety vaccines, so don’t forget to practice your cardio.

When people ask for a booth, it is an straight forward “No, not unless you put your name on the waiting list for one of the regulars to croak.” The job becomes slightly more tricky when patrons begin creating their own Bistro lingo. It can become tasking translating exactly where the patron would like to sit everynight. Sometimes they ask to sit in the main dining room, the quite room, the room with the view, in the lounge area, in the warm room, or in the bistro! What? Where are all these rooms? We have two rooms a front and a back. And yes, the back room serves the same food as the front!

A few of my favorite reactions after showing people their table:

• Said with look of disgust, “Is someone going to be playing that piano during dinner?”
• Said with similar look of distain, “Is this the best table you have?”
• Said with look of slight anger, “ But I made a reservation!”
• Said with a look of stupidity, “Can we sit closer to the windows?”
• To which my response was, “Sir, you are a party of four; those tables in front of you seat eight, those tables to your right seat two…”
• The table comedian says, “So if we find four friends we can sit closer to the window?”
• Me, “Sure when you have found four friends, come talk to me.”

The moral of the story is, sit where the restaurant wants you to sit, if you are a pain, you will be moved to a worse table. If you need a view of a few bushes you need to invest some time in either finding a new dinner partner or reviewing a book on making conversation. And finally, please do not ask me to close the blinds; you are ruining the view that we have worked so hard to let everyone enjoy!