Life's a Cabaret!

What is a cabaret you ask? According to Wikipedia “Cabaret is a form of entertainment featuring comedy, song, dance, and theatre, distinguished mainly by the performance venue—a restaurant or nightclub with a stage for performances and the audience sitting at tables (often dining or drinking)." Of course the drinking is the most important factor especially when listing to a song called, “A Punk Rocker Named Joe” or “Taylor the Latte Boy”.

Each weekend as I watched cabaret from my back stage view and witnessed all of the excitement that goes along with it, I began to speculate. From my view I can see the hustle and bustle of the wait staff, the musicians with scores of music, and of course the most entertaining to watch the audience’s reaction. Here at Bistro By the Sea, we add a little twist to cabaret; sexual antidotes and inappropriate jokes are sprinkled in amongst the musical numbers by our very amusing and completely fabulous host, Sabrina Blaze.

Don’t you ever have the feeling that your life could be a musical? No? Really?! I am sure that you have had the feeling at least once that your life should be a musical, or have background music or at least a drag queen narrator! With all of the eccentricities of life I have decided to compile a list of songs that could describe the cabaret of life. Disclaimer: this cabaret set list is strictly based on song titles, not necessarily lyrics. This list is also biased, since it is written from a woman’s point of view. Represented here are the trials and tribulations of love, dreams, heartbreak, working hard and hardly working.

1. This Is The Life - Golden Boy
2. Circle of Life- The Lion King
3. Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin' - Oklahoma
4. Any Dream Will Do- Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
5. Be True to Your School by the Beach Boys (Ok I know this isn’t a show tune, but we had to throw in some songs about school)
6. A Wonderful Guy - South Pacific
7. I've Never Been In Love Before- Guys and Dolls
8. Guys and Dolls - Guys and Dolls
9. I Get a Kick Out of You - Anything Goes
10. Ya Got Trouble- The Music Man-
11. Knowing When To Leave - Promises, Promises
12. Tomorrow- Annie
13. A Lot of Livin' To Do - Bye Bye Birdie
14. Put on a Happy Face - Bye Bye Birdie
15. Come What May- 'Moulin Rouge'
16. On My Own- Les Miserables
17. The Impossible Dream-The Man From La Mancha
18. Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat - Guys and Dolls
19. Anything Goes - Anything Goes
20. I Enjoy Being A Girl - Flower Drum Song
21. My Favorite Things - The Sound of Music
22. How the Money Changes Hands - Tenderloin
23. I Wish I Could Go Back To College-Avenue Q
24. A Little Bit in Love - Wonderful Town
25. Taking a Chance on Love - Cabin in the Sky
26. I Believe in You - How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
27. The Rhythm of Life - Sweet Charity
28. Baby, Dream Your Dream - Sweet Charity
29. Big Spender - Sweet Charity
30. If My Friends Could See Me Now - Sweet Charity
31. There's Gotta Be Something Better Than This - Sweet Charity
32. You've Got Possibilities - It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's Superman
33. I'll Never Fall in Love Again - Promises, Promises
34. No Man Is Worth It - Dance A Little Closer
35. Do What You Want to Do - Cabin in the Sky
36. You Don't Have to Do It for Me - Minnie's Boys
37. There Are Worse Things I Could Do - Grease
38. I Only Wanna Laugh - Jimmy
39. Nobody Does It Like Me - Seesaw
40. Tap Your Troubles Away - Mack & Mabel
41. Time Heals Everything - Mack & Mabel
42. And The Money Kept Rolling In (And Out) - Evita
43. We're Almost There - The Grand Tour
44. The Grass Is Always Greener - Woman of the Year
45. I Want It All - Baby
46. I Am What I Am - La Cage Aux Folles
47. Who Will Love Me as I Am? - Side Show
48. Seasons of Love - Rent
49. The Best of Times - La Cage Aux Folles
50. I Got Love - Purlie
51. Getting Married Today - Company
52. I Will Never Leave You - Side Show
53. You Can Always Count on Me - City of Angels
54. I Will Never Leave You - Side Show
55. The American Dream - Miss Saigon
56. Children Will Listen - Into The Woods
57. The Rhythm of Life - Sweet Charity
58. Getting Tall -Nine
59. I Can Cook Too - On The Town
60. When The Children Are Asleep- Carousel
61. Here's to Us - Little Me
62. Dancing Through Life- Wicked
63. You Can't Stop The Beat- Hairspray
64. Don't Rain on My Parade - Funny Girl
65. The Bitch Of Living - Spring Awakening
66. So Long, Farewell- Sound of Music

Our Sheroes and their Power Horns: Connecting with the Goddess within.

Each year at the Bistro our female staffers all come together before dinner service and do each other’s hair up into “power horns”. I am not sure of the exact origin of power horns, they are potentially just a joke about one of our server’s choice of hair-do. It is also a possibility that server Michelle shared her wisdom of this power horn hairstyle and everyone else needed to replicate it!

The best attribute of power horns is that they all take on their own unique personality, each never failing to make you laugh. This year I observed the power horns being molded, hair sprayed, and things being shoved in them such as straws and flowers. If you can imagine a restaurant full of people who look a little bit like mini mouse you could begin to imagine the hilarity and awesomeness of power horns.

Power Horns. Power Horns! You can’t even say it without feeling a sense of strength and confidence. There is something special about this idea. I once read that the true power of women is that we have within us the power to change the world. For years and years Women determined the course of events in history and the shape of human culture, however through various vehicles our sheroes were edited out history and culture. Our societies have crippled from the omission of this information and the harm of sexism was greatly compounded by these silences.

Women have often times been relegated to the footnotes of history, one needs a global and introspective perspective in order to reconstruct the female dimensions of human experience and achievement. There is far more to the history of women than Queen Elizabeth, Susan B Anthony and Sacajawea. From culture to culture the role of women takes on a special and powerful role which often does not rely on institutionalize power but on recognized personal power.

In my lifetime I have been blessed enough to realize all of the powerful and giving sheroes that I am constantly surrounded by. In my speculations I have come to the revelation that the power of the female comes from love, a deep seeded love and ability to give herself to those she devotes her life to. Each of the women at the Bistro have been Sheroes to me, molding my life according to their wisdom. Each have channeled an incredible unique strength through their power horns; whether it be the forever giving motherly strength of Karleen, or the creative strength of Karen and Kim, or the kind and gentle strength of Karen and Tara, the understanding strength of Ashely or even the sassy and wise strength of Michelle. Each of these phenomenal women have shared many stories and qualities with me that I hope one day you may have the privilege to experience as well.

Whether we gain our strength from our power horns or our mothers, our power is apparent. I hope that I too can be a shero for generations of young women just as the women at the Bistro by the Sea have done for me.

A few good Quotes about women:

From a Strong Women who shares one my strengths:

"I'm a witch woman- high on tobacco and holy water. I'm a woman delighted with her disasters. They give me something to do. A profession of sorts...I have the magic of words. The power to charm and kill at will." -Sandra Cisneros

Shakespeare said, “Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.”

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses. ~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond

“Beloved, you are my sister, you are my daughter, you are my face; you are me.” –Toni Morrison

Can I have a table with a view?

“Can I have a table with a view?” is a question that leaves me dumbfounded each time it is squawked at me. I am sorry, what exactly would you like a view off? This is Bistro BY the Sea not Bistro ON the Sea If you would like an ocean view you need to walk through the woods about a quarter of a mile. This is not a hotel; you cannot request an ocean view or view of the pool, and sometimes if you aren’t willing to cough up the extra cash you are going to get that hotel room with the view of the air duct on the roof. This poses a speculation for a future time, should I accept bribes to upgrade tables? If it happens with hotel rooms, why not tables?

It never occurred to me when dining out, to ask to be move tables. Usually I am more concerned about eating delicious food than where I am doing it. However, in my time at the Bistro I have learned that more people than I realized are more neurotic than I could have imagined.

As hostess, this complex job of when to tell people they cannot move, how to do it or how to interpret where it is they would like to sit, is probably the hardest part of the job. Bartender, Karen does not make it any easier as she is constantly laughing at me while women reprimand me, saying, “a 45th wedding anniversary deserves more than a table in the middle of the room!”

First lets review the assortment of things that patrons ask for when choosing a location to sit in.

It is important to keep in mind when you start moving people it upsets; servers, who loose tips when they loose customers; patrons, who you just gave away the seat they have sat in for 30 years; and most importantly Karleen, who has to hear all of the BS from both parties. The number one hostess rule is, it is always easier to say no than to move someone. Often times when a pair comes into the restaurant and I ask for their reservation then proceed to scan my list and chart finding where it is we have placed them this evening. I then hear someone ask the other where he or she would like to sit. Mind you I never gave them a choice of wear to sit.

How to react if you were Erica:

If they word the question while standing at the door, “can we have…” or “is it possible to get…” My response is “actually tonight I have you (insert location) but next time when you make the reservation just let me know where it is you would like to sit.” If the patron begins the “question” with “No! I reserved this table..” or “I always sit here…” then this when I fold like the cowardly lion and scurry to find another table. Remember the old folks may be feisty and may not be up to date with proper safety vaccines, so don’t forget to practice your cardio.

When people ask for a booth, it is an straight forward “No, not unless you put your name on the waiting list for one of the regulars to croak.” The job becomes slightly more tricky when patrons begin creating their own Bistro lingo. It can become tasking translating exactly where the patron would like to sit everynight. Sometimes they ask to sit in the main dining room, the quite room, the room with the view, in the lounge area, in the warm room, or in the bistro! What? Where are all these rooms? We have two rooms a front and a back. And yes, the back room serves the same food as the front!

A few of my favorite reactions after showing people their table:

• Said with look of disgust, “Is someone going to be playing that piano during dinner?”
• Said with similar look of distain, “Is this the best table you have?”
• Said with look of slight anger, “ But I made a reservation!”
• Said with a look of stupidity, “Can we sit closer to the windows?”
• To which my response was, “Sir, you are a party of four; those tables in front of you seat eight, those tables to your right seat two…”
• The table comedian says, “So if we find four friends we can sit closer to the window?”
• Me, “Sure when you have found four friends, come talk to me.”

The moral of the story is, sit where the restaurant wants you to sit, if you are a pain, you will be moved to a worse table. If you need a view of a few bushes you need to invest some time in either finding a new dinner partner or reviewing a book on making conversation. And finally, please do not ask me to close the blinds; you are ruining the view that we have worked so hard to let everyone enjoy!

Ambient Light

Here at Bistro by the Sea each table is adorned with a white tablecloth, white bread plate, white linens and the appropriate silverware. It also holds one saltshaker and one pepper. The finishing touch is a small candle with a little bit of sand and sea shells in the bottom, nothing fancy but elegant just the same.

As hostess it is my job to light, refill, and clean these candles; I have been taught to treat them as my own. With as much love as I have for these candles on the scale of “FU” to “terribly important” I would mentally file it as “seriously?”

If your candle is missing from the table or happens to extinguished itself please don’t fret. I feel if you need an almost microscopic flame to set the mood for you at dinner, you should seek marital counseling. If you are not dining with your significant other, then why are you complaining? Do you think its more important than receiving your drinks or food? Do you think I carry a lighter in my non-existent pockets? Perhaps in my cleavage? Maybe you think I am talented enough to light your candle as well as balance 8 drinks in my other hand? I am begging you what difference does this 3 inch jar make?

I would also like to clarify they are just candles. It is not a terrarium and I know this because I filled them myself. Really, it’s seashells, sand and a candle. Why are you fighting with me about this? No, it is not a lantern; I have already review the components with you. Also if you would like to have the fan on, then you are not allowed to complain about your candle not being lit. The physics of waves prove that it will not stay lit in the presence of high winds. Now you are just contradicting yourself.

Having this candle on your table does not make your dinner taste better, it will not help you read the menu, it wont keep you warm at night and it won’t make your partner look better. If you want to stare at fire all night go to waterfire!