Do you ever wonder why you sit down at the bar and suddenly everyone appears or disappears? Well, first things first if you are not a generally unattractive person, you should then check to see if you smell bad. Secondly you should check your ensemble for unusual sluty-ness or scrubby-ness. No? Ok, maybe it’s your drink; what is it saying? Just like clothes a drink can say a lot about you. To help you out the Bistro staff has compiled a list of a few different conventions to follow.
When one orders a tequila shot, there are a number of very strong statements you are making. “I do not want to remember my questionable motives, morals, and actions.” Or “my clothes are not going to take themselves off.” Speaking to that note, I have never see a tequila shot ordered at the bar during dinner. Most likely in our case it is because our patrons already are on the verge of not remembering what they have just ate never mind their morals or motives.
Worse than the tequila shot is the martini. In senior citizen lingo it says, “hello, I would like to have two and half shots of alcohol but lets throw in an olive or ice to make me feel classier”.
Tara, our sports bargirl, claims that drinking beer says that your fun and laid back. This suggestion created and uproar amongst other staff member. Beer otherwise seems to be commonly knows as saying, “hello, I’m fat a lazy. I come home from work unbutton my pants and pop open a miller”.
Next there is “the my little pony pink girly drink” which Adam claims just screams, “Hello toilet!” But be not afraid girly juice drinkers, order that booty juice with confidence and hold that flir-tini with your pinky out!
Finally, my drink of choice, wine. Why hasn’t wine been mentioned in this debate? It doesn’t say anything? Does it say I’m classy or snotty, or boring?! These thoughts exasperate me. Well, at least I’m not drinking white zinfandel which says either, “I’m over the age of 75”, or “I can’t even handle real wine.”
So next time you seem to striking out, stop being lazy and switch to a margarita, the frozen concoction that helps Jimmy hang on. Margaritas, the tequila shot language in a bigger glass! Be brave and take a sip of your own concoction. And now a tip from out bartenders and Earnest Hemingway; “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut”
A Glimpse into the drinks of choice at the Bistro By the Sea: See if you can decipherer these messages!
Devyne: Cranberry Juice and Ginger Ale
Karen: Soda water, splash of bitters and lemon, or frozen mudslide made by Ron only
Michelle: Margarita and recently the Pear Martini
Emma: Mojito
Adam: New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc
Albert: Stoli, peach and sprite
Kristen: Raspberry lime Ricky
Katie: Tea
Karleen: Old Fashioned, or a Cosmo
Duane: Bourbon Old Fashion
Kim: New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc or a good margarita, on the rocks, with salt
Ashley: Margarita, or scotch
Karen S: Margarita
Bridget: Cranberry juice with lime on the rocks
Julia: Seltzer with lemon
Ted: Miller Lite
Ron: Guinness
Taavon: Cosmo with a splash of orange juice
Mike: Magic Bus
Pete: UFO with orange
David: Whiskey on the rocks
Me: Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc
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