If you’re gonna to play with fire than you’re gonna to get burned!

Here at Bistro by the Sea we don’t like to mess around with fire safety; whether its burning ones self on hot oil, fire proofing large fake plants or catching one’s hair on fire, there is never a dull day at the bistro.

Last night one of our bar patrons happened to lean way too far into the decorative wall candles and POW! It’s a hot mess; before I knew it the gardener was smacking her on the head, extinguishing the flames. Of course this couldn’t have been funnier for our cynical bar tender/history teacher, Ron.

In memory of this event I would like to review the Stop, Drop and Roll method of fire extinguishing. For those that can not recall elementary school, perhaps due to over use of drugs, alcohol or simply because you are of proper age to be one of the bistro’s customers, this method involves STOPING, proceeded by DROPPING and then ROLLING. Wikipedia claims that, “In addition to extinguishing the fire, stop, drop and roll is an effective psychological tool, providing those in a fire situation, particularly children, with a routine that can be used to focus on in order to avoid panic.” Now, I don’t know how much you know about rolling on the ground while on fire but I can’t imagine I would find inner peace. It’s not exactly the latest yoga move.

Again, I remind you to remain calm when extinguishing your own personal fires and always cover your face, one important step often overlooked when learning the Stop, Drop and Roll. So…stop complaining that the candle went out at your table, a dime sized votive is not the reason you are dining out but it could soon be the reason why you dine in!

Footwear Philosophies

“Don’t your feet hurt?!” a small, slightly shriveled 80-year-old asked me, referring to my stilettos as she was heading out the door. I wanted to respond by yelling in her face, “of course they hurt but beauty is pain, women, I am 22, single, and my legs and butt will only start to look worse. “ Instead I laugh and say, “not tonight”

The other night, Ashley, the “jill” of all trades at the bistro, came in dressed to the 9’s for a night of hostess-ing. When asked about her shoes, she claimed she only buys comfortable shoes. Is that possible? Can you tell if shoes are comfortable before you walk a mile in them? Am I just an uneducated shoe shopper?! If you ask me almost all shoes at some point become uncomfortable.

In a restaurant, proper footwear is essential. If you are waiting on tables you need a shoe which you can run a marathon in, but makes it look like you are in control. One day, I heard someone saying that running sneakers could decrease your tip considerably. Kim, server, artist, and professor, is infamous for her teal cowgirl boots or flaming skull converses and Tavon’s combat boots can’t compete with Adam’s Gucci shoes.

This is all well and good but here is the million dollar question: somehow the shoe conversation took a turn for the worst. Are men, like shoes? The longer you wear them the more comfortable they feel? Some people like comfortable shoes, love comfortable shoes, refuse to wear fancier or less damaged shoes! Worn in shoes? Does that make them bad? Should you discard them? Is being comfortable healthy and sane?

I think comfortableness is often the struggle with relationships. When is it too comfortable, when do you have to buy new shoes, find new partners? Tara, server, and teacher doesn’t like to be too comfortable with her men, when it gets to that point she itches to get out. Michelle chimed in, that no matter what in the end, wear shoes for long enough they are going to hurt! Just like men, the longer you’re with them the more of a pain they are. But alas just like shoes you can’t live without them.

Clearly this is highly debated issue in relationships and in shoes. What is normal sacrifice for beauty and pizazz? Am I insane for wearing stilettos to work or does it just reflect the absence of my comfortable relationship?!

Dear Mr. Close-Talker

Dear Mr. Close-Talker,

I do not find your ability to impose on other people’s personal space to be an admiral trait. In fact, you make me feel quite uncomfortable. Just because I cannot hide behind a hostess desk does not mean there is an open invitation to:

A. Caress my arm

B. Use the reflection in my pupils as a mirror

C. Have me check your breath for your last meal

D. All of the above

Every night I am performing a quite elaborate dance to avoid you. While bending backwards, shuffling, swooping, leaning and swiveling to get away from you and your body odors, I am sure one day I will loose my balance and end up on the floor.

As you can tell your advances are not appreciated, so please stop your excessive winking and learn that I can hear you just fine from an acceptable distance of at least one arms length.

Sincerely yours,

A very flustered and somewhat violated hostess

Who's in your Chorus?

This is the question one of my friends proposed as I described my literary goals with my blog. Writing a blog is unfamiliar territory for me, it even makes me a bit hesitant and nervous! However, when recommenced by a marketing professional as a way to build a portfolio, I could not refute that it seemed like a good idea.

For a week or so I tossed around topic Ideas to write about. A job hunting survival guide, an amateur’s road to marathon running, a young person’s wine dialogue, or marketing campaigns surrounding me. All seemingly good ideas though slightly daunting, I kept returning to the nagging thought, “write what you know”.

While joking with one of the wait staff that we should write a book about the theories we concoct about life love and food, I realized that it would soon become my newest blog topic.

“Perfect I have a built in audience of at least 20 people! They may provide more ridicule than anything else, but at least they will read it”, I gushed. …This is when my friend jumped in and proclaimed that she was going to get philosophical on me. “Who is in your chorus?” she asked.

Your chorus is the people who, no matter what you try and accomplish, they are singing your praises. They are the people who are pumping air into your physiological tires. Everyone needs back up singers! My back up singers like to mock as a way to show they care.

At the Bistro by the Sea there are always people singing, its not always cabaret, and it most certainly isn’t always praises. The restaurant business can be a high stress environment, and the brutal honesty of manager, Adam or bartender, Ron can seem like anything but praise sometimes. But at the end of the day when you realize that if you are being made fun of you are doing something right being called a lipstick lesbian librarian or Hubasay doesn’t feel too bad!

A few of the bistro staff are defiantly in my chorus and vice versa. While going though a stressful interview process it was the encouragement of Michelle, a server, teacher and mother of two, that kept me hopeful. Karen, server, LaPlante Center Assistant, and single mother is always part of the support system for everyone. Whether it is supporting her old friend writing a book, or me making the transition from hostess to waitress Karen’s heart is bigger that you can imagine and her singing voice, very prominent…metaphorically of course, I am afraid to know how she actually sings.

So whether it’s back up singers for the infamous rollin’ down the river song, sung by Sabrina Blaze, local drag queen and cabaret host or supporting our friends on staff; there are all kinds of choir’s at TBTS. So now I turn to you and ask you who is in your chorus?